Lessons to Live By

A few months ago, as I traveled by train, I pondered over some of the major lessons I have ‘learnt’ during my life. I write the word ‘learnt’ with abundant caution because ‘learnt’ should have the same connotation as ‘completely imbibed and translated into practice’. 

Alas, I cannot even remotely claim such an achievement!

All the same, here are the big lessons (both sublime and ridiculous) that have struck a chord in me:

I am not my Ego.

To awaken and be aware is the only purpose of my life. Living life mindfully and in the Now is the way to do it.

Discipline – delaying gratification and accepting pain first – is the key to solving all of life’s problems.

What you do between stimulus and response becomes you.

When confronted with multiple choices of what to do, do what is good for long-term, even when it is clearly not urgent – especially when it is not urgent!

Nine-tenth of the wisdom lies in being wise in time.

Visualisation, intention and believing in what you seek is the ‘secret’ to getting.

When it comes to money, understand the difference between assets and liabilities. Anything that adds to what you have is an asset. Create assets.

The most important issue for a commander (and we are all commanders of our selves!) is having and constantly re-creating ‘reserves’ Without ‘reserves’ one is only a helpless and reactive tool to evolving circumstances. Reserves are critical to influencing the battle of life.

Not surprisingly, the above two lessons apply as much to health, use of time and relationships, as they do to ‘money’.

In contentious issues, try and visualize the ‘end-game’. Are you prepared for the eventuality? Is it worth the strife? Or is there a better way?

Often ‘acceptance’ of what is is the key to peace and happiness. Acceptance is not surrender. Acceptance is a choice and always calls for wisdom, courage and restraint.

Finish what you begin. Do not allow delays (there never will be a ‘perfect moment’ to start; indeed the business of ‘perfect moment’ is the biggest delusion there is!) and if a deviation occurs, get back on rails quickly.

Hard work – not talent – is the king.

Weight loss is almost entirely a matter of calories. Exercise has great uses for promoting health and increasing basal metabolic rate (BMR) (which assists weight loss) but eventually the dice is loaded in favour of imbibing fewer calories. Eating smaller meals frequently – and never giving your body’s intelligence the impression that you plan to go hungry and hence it needs to store all calories for future use – is part of the trick.

If you wish to write, you need to schedule it and then stick to the schedule. Waiting for inspiration is as likely to succeed as waiting on a beach for a message in a bottle.  

A plan without time-lines, resource allocation and reality check is not a plan.


To read a person solely based on his looks or words is to set yourself up for possible failure, even a trap. While looks and words count, always, always, always judge people by their actions.

Good story telling is about brevity, maintaining suspense and punch-line. It is not about stretching the tale to milk it for as long as one can. To do that is to sound death-knell for the story.

For a presenter – a teacher, a speaker, an actor, an impressionist, a comedian or a singer – the most important element is the audience.The fare should be pitched at the level of most of the audience. To ignore this and rely solely on display of one’s ‘knowledge’ or ‘brilliance’ is to fail.

‘Style and substance’ both matter in life (and in presentations) but the sequence implicit in that expression is flawed; it must always be ‘substance and style’. While you risk being underrated if you lack ‘style’, you can never ever succeed without ‘substance’. Cannot sell a bad product for long merely with good advertising!

Love is the willingness to stretch boundaries of one’s ego to accommodate another, solely for his or her long-term good.

A good movie is a credible story told well. (There! And everyone in Bollywood says there is no formula to make a 'good' film!)

'Charting' Me!

Who am I?

I certainly am not my outer form, I am not the incessant chatter that fills up my head, I am not my Ego....

I am part of the larger consciousness, the Higher Intelligence that 'runs' the universe, the awareness that is even aware of my thoughts and stands silently behind them, observing and listening, inseparable from everyone and everything else around us......

Yet, most of my life I have gone on in an unconscious state, simply acting from my Ego, acting as if I was separate from others and, therefore, in perpetual need of seeking approval, controlling, judging, criticising or at least advising - not always from true concerns for others' well-being and growth but because, at a subliminal level, I had this overpowering need to prove some sort of 'superiority'.

This teaching is at the heart of many spiritual traditions. The crux of our pain (or 'dukha' as Buddha put it) is falsely identifying ourselves with our egoic identities. As I begin to grasp Tolle's teachings better, even to my layman's eye, dots are joining neatly and seamlessly between them and Bhagvadgita's offerings and Zen (the little that I know) and Kabir's dohas....and more. Even momentary awareness of this truth brings instant peace and makes me more effective in discharging my worldly duties.

I have not even scratched the surface so far, of course, much less attained the perpetual joy that must follow. But, with my extremely limited understanding (and nudged by my military mind) I have organised the learning so far in a chart. Here it is:

I am my Ego	I Am
To plod on through life, carrying the burden of my Ego, forever taking counsel of my Ego’s bidding, is my lot. To struggle is my purpose.	To awaken and stay awake is my inner purpose.
At every moment, I am either superior or inferior to another.	I just am.
I judge. I criticise. This tells me I am superior.	I just am.
I am not complete unless I have approval – so I seek it in many guises.	I am complete and do not need external approval.
I am not complete unless I control.	I am complete and do not need to control.
I need to have instant gratification and predictability to feel that I am okay.	I do not need gratification to be in joy; the ‘pain’ of discipline deepens my joy.
I am separate from everyone and everything else – and that is how I treat the world.	I am connected to the universe. I am part of the consciousness.
I live in the past (beset by guilt or emotion about moments that will never be) or the future (and anxieties of unborn moments that might never be).	I live in the only moment that I ever can – now!
I work because it is a chore and has to be done.	I fulfil my outer purpose(s) in alignment with my inner-purpose – with energy, enthusiasm and acceptance.
I am my thoughts.	I am my consciousness.
Life is a perpetual combat.	I live in flow and joy.
I have this perpetual urge to advise others – I know best!	I am immersed in hearing the drum-beat of my inner-self. How can I compulsively prescribe for others?
Disagreement angers me.	I hear with equanimity.
I wrestle with what is. I cannot accept ‘reality’ as is.	I accept.

Mindfulness

A great deal of peace - even 'success in dealing with life's 'problems' - lies in mindfulness. To be present in the Now is to live in the only moment that one can ever live in. To focus on what 'is' rather than what was or could be is the answer to many questions.

Take eating, for example. I recently browsed a book called 'Mindless Eating' by an author whose name I do not recollect (which gives you a clue to my own state of 'mindfulness'!) The crux of his conclusions is that we eat mainly not because we are hungry but out of sheer reflex which, in turn, is born out of our perceptions, the way the food is presented, the number of people we eat with, our estimate of the size of the helpings etc. The answer to not eating mindlessly, therefore, is to eat mindfully. In other words ‘awareness’ is the key.

This seems to join the dots with Eckhart Tolle’s teachings. Living in the present – in the now – then is the core of the solution. Could it be that when we eat mindlessly we are ‘feeding’ the same ego-body? Could it be that we can turn it around with awareness of the now, of being acutely mindful of how hungry we really are, what and how much we are about to eat and thus side-step the temptations and pitfalls that come our way?

This needs to be explored.

Another thought that came to my mind was that the more a person lives in his or her ‘now’, the greater is his or her situational awareness. How is it that some people remember details such as where they kept their keys, parked their cars or in what sequence even the mundane events happened while others struggle? Perhaps it indicates that they tend to be more in their ‘now’ and thus these things get imprinted in their minds. At that moment, what they are doing is of importance and they are completely engaged (or at least almost completely) engaged with it.
Do such individuals have a lower tendency to operate from their ‘egoic’ selves? Are they likely to be happier, even more successful?

This too needs to be explored....

I am my Ego. Or Am I?

Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing,
there is a field.
I'll meet you there

Sufi poet Rumi

There is a ‘me’ that is inseparable from Higher Intelligence or God. That ‘me’ does not ‘live life’ – it is life itself.

And then there is the ‘egoic’ me - that identifies itself with the outer form, the thoughts and causes all the pain by not letting me live in the Now. This egoic me is one that has become the larger, indeed, mostly the only me. It operates from ego and feeds and strengthens itself. It acts from a position of superiority or inferiority. It loves drama and conflict. It thrives on role playing, never from doing simply.

It is diluted by awareness. The moment I am aware of thinking or acting from my ego, I dilute it. It does not require ‘will power’. It needs awareness.

Ever since I read Eckhart Tolle, I have become more aware of that small ‘me’ than ever before. And a number of things have become obvious simply from that awareness:
The egoic (or small or petty or mischievous) me is, as of now, quite persistent. It pops up all the time and plays mischief. It retreats when the light of awareness is flashed at it.

The moment I refuse to act from it, the world begins to change! Other egos appear to retreat and dissolve too!

Eternal vigilance is needed to weaken this small ‘me’.

The retreat of the ‘small me’ does not imply that I have to retreat from worldly affairs! It is all about the gentle dance between the 'human' and the 'Being' in me. It is about balance.

It is about acting with a detachment from ego.

The word "I" embodies the greatest error and the deepest truth, depending on how it is used.

Eckhart Tolle