Being And Nothingness (Or Living on the Facebook)

Why are we on Facebook? And why can’t we get off it?

It will be presumptuous if I were to pretend that what I am about to say applies to all or even a fraction of those who spend disproportionate parts of their daily life on Facebook; looking at what must finally count as very inane stuff, snooping around others’ pictures, cutting-and-pasting, returning to see whether someone – anyone – has ‘liked’ our offerings, posting pictures for world at large to admire, saying clever stuff that must bring silent applause of the admiring masses, pasting feel-good bits of advice that rarely leads to actionable wisdom, showing solidarity with causes that will hopefully reflect the supporter’s magnificent civic concerns (lending a shoulder to finding a missing girl child last seen in Latvia or Lesotho, marshaling friends to donate blood to a heart-rending emergency in Papua New Guinea), or even playfully poking and – Lord be merciful – raising chickens on imaginary farms. If this sounds derisive, it shouldn't – I have done my share of all of this and more.

Of course, Facebook lets us stay in touch with ‘loved ones’; where else would I see the latest pics of Pallavi and Abhishek unless they mailed me directly or posted them on a family blog? Facebook also ‘reminds’ us of others’ birthdays; but deep inside I know that I never missed one even in pre-Facebook days. Then, you could follow The Economist or the New York Times on Facebook and remain updated all the time. Or would you? Isn't it far more cost-effective to go directly to the sites you dig?

So let us cut the chase and get to one view – mine – of why Facebook remains an addictive attraction. I will pare it down to two reasons.

One, addiction to Facebook is mostly a desperate lunge by our Ego to seek acknowledgement and approval. This works in several obvious ways, but let me recount a few.

Ego constantly seeks feedback that says ‘you are liked’ (or admired or considered a ‘brain’ or a beauty or….) through almost everything on Facebook. Sure, most others hardly care for what we post, except a few who read it for amusement. Most acknowledge it only in the hope that their own good taste will thus be silently acknowledged by others; yet others to re-post and get some positive feedback for themselves. Yet the game goes on and on. Such a huge effort and investment of time only to elicit bits and pieces – the word ‘crumbs’ comes so readily to mind – of positive feedback! Is it any wonder that even years of being there still leave us feeling vacuous and unfulfilled?

After all, the way to all fulfillment is to take exactly the opposite route; to be constantly mindful of the devil called Ego that lurks and lurks, whispering mischievous and even poisonous bits of advice in our ears, always drawing us away from the fact that we are already complete and do not need even a moment’s approval of another, leave alone be mired in this quicksand forever. To be aware that we are not our Ego is to live fully. And by confusing the feedback loop implicit in activities of the Facebook, we allow ourselves to sink yet deeper.

Two, all addiction is a cry for finding joy. Isn't ‘joy’ that magic that ultimately all of us seek? But is there ever ‘joy’ to be found in any form of addiction? Alas, there is ‘happiness’ of the moment, but no ‘joy’. The morning-after proves that the drunken revelry of the evening was no more than a self-injected dose of anesthesia and that the only lasting imprint of the last cigarette will be traced on the lungs, teeth and fingers. The reason for the failure to chase gratification and happiness has been pointed out to us by sages. Happiness is always dependent on someone or something outside of us – perhaps always involving a bit of ego-pampering – whereas ‘joy’ is always the flow emerging from within. Anyone who has lost hours engaged in doing something he or she truly loved knows what joy is - reading a wonderful book, sketching, even working on a mathematical problem or repairing a car. As does someone who finds it in things and phenomenon where feedback is not an issue at all – a beautiful landscape, a breathtaking photograph, a child’s chortle….. All addiction fails in the long run – indeed the effects last only as long as one is practicing it.

Any addiction can be submitted to this test. Being addicted to Facebook certainly belongs to the undistinguished list of ‘addictions’.

So, should we now reach for Deactivate My Account button? Who am I to say? But perhaps, we can constantly be mindful of what we are doing there. Eternal vigilance against the machination of our Ego is always the key. Perhaps we can truly use this platform to be connected with people we really wish to and see it as a form of technology to share with those who truly matter. This holds good for those on Facebook who have this lingering suspicion that they are onto something quite pointless, even harmful but are not sure if courage for instant ejection can be summoned.

So whether you choose to remain on Facebook forever or take that step and be free from Facebook - just be mindful that you are doing it for the right reasons.